hey babe *wraps you up in a blanket* i know today might have been hard for you *ruffles your hair* but you made it through the day *boops your nose* you’re doing such a good job *kisses your forehead* and i am so proud of you
plot twist: when you feel bugs crawling on you and when you look there’s nothing there, they are actually the ghosts of all the bugs you killed
if your teenage years are meant for experimenting with relationships i’m fucked
DATING TIP: Hold the door for your date. Rip the door off its hinges. Use the door as a weapon to fight off other men. Establish dominance.